News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
