Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just googled if crying burns calories
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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