It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
