Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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