she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
