I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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