I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
