What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
