Pants 0. Shit 1.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
