i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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