piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
