pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
