yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize