This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
