She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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