I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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