Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
