Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
