her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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