If that was your dad, he is hot
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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