So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
