i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
