idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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