I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
