I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
