If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
