i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
