My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
