we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
