I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
