well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
