does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
