i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
