pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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