holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
