you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
