She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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