I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
