im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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