my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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