I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize