i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize