Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
