i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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