She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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