is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
