Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
