now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
