Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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