i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
