That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
