Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
