I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
