I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
