you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
