we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
