Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize