at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
