Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
