Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
