I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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