Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
