Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
