I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
