I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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