I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
