There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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