Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
