Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
