Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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