Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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