ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
