I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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