also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
