Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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