he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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