You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
