Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
