One girl and one boy is just not enough.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
