Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
