shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
