We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
