Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
