I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
