woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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