All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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