Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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