It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
