the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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