There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
