I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
