I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
