I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
