I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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