I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
