I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize