Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
