you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
