Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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