My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
