I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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