I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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