im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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