I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
