i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
